I probably shouldn’t reveal too much about my personal life, but somehow I feel that if I don’t get several things off my mind, it is not good for my mind and body to be constantly subjected to such negativity.
Mid-twenties crisis, is there such a thing?
Am I having some sort of a mid-twenties crisis, because everything about me is so conflicting?
I look down at my body, and still see the clothes that I’ve been wearing since 5-7 years ago. Yes, I have not outgrown – physically – my clothes at all. I’m in my mid-twenties and 90% of my wardrobe does not reflect that. I need a wardrobe overhaul, yet I have not settled on a personal style that I can grow it on. Should I get clothes that are cute/sexy/classic/androgynous or bold?
I don’t like to reveal too much skin, so sexy is out of the question. Androgynous is out too cuz I do feel feminine inside and pants are usually baggy and unflattering on my non-existent butts and short stature. Bold and fashion-forward is probably not for me too because I will look like a wannabe-weirdo if I cannot carry it off well. I also don’t like the recent trends of unnecessary cutouts on tops or dresses, nor crop tops and butt-revealing micro shorts.
That leaves me cute or classic. I am trying to transition from cute to classic, and I’m taking small steps, like chopping off my long hair to a bob. The short hair makes me look a tad older and that makes me feel more at ease looking like my age. But while I look a wee bit older, my clothes and accessories and shoes are having difficulties catching up. So I end up looking like a totally mis-matched person who hasn’t quite decided on her style.
I’m caught in the middle of a fashion transition and that truly sucks!
Yup, Fashion is the top of my worry list. not.
Well, a fashion disaster is just the tip of the iceberg of my burgeoning worries. I feel the frustration of not being able to be seen as what I am inside. On the inside, I feel like a young adult trying to break out of her younger teenage self, and gaining a footing on what being a young adult is like. But as I struggle to stand a firm ground and bellow to the world my intentions to grow bigger and stronger, I am pushed back by my own insecurities and inability to portray a more accurate representation of my personality to the world.
I am just a little girl in many people’s eyes; I cannot blame them, because I am so small in size.. Yet inside, I know that I am strong. I have gone through many turbulences and drama in life to finally understand that I do not have to take in all that rubbish, more so if they are (wo)man-created!
Yada yada yada…
So wishing to expand my knowledge, I was searching for books to read on my iPad the other day, and came across this free book called “Meditations” by Marcus Aurelius that compiled his writings on Stocism. I am still reading the introduction and have not moved to his writings yet, but from the introduction, I can somehow identify – thought not in its entirety – with this school of philosophical thinking.
I’m hoping that it will shed some light on how to cultivate clear thinking and judgement in times of instability. I will probably write more about it after I have understood it enough to discuss. Haha.
Ah well.. I feel so much better after writing this post. :) Now I can go and focus on The Beary Naise Co. Lots of orders to design and make! Hooray!