I’m too afraid.
That is why I will never achieve greatness. I’ve always been too afraid. And the times I tried to be brave, I screw up my life and others’. That’s why I stayed afraid.
I need to step out of my own bubble; the bubble I created, a safety zone where I don’t have to be brave. I need to have my own stand, and back it. I need to fight for myself.
Watching Greys Anatomy has taught me that getting over yourself is the only obstacle to being something that you had never imagine that you’d become. There are many things that will hinder you, but at the end of the day, what stops you from being exceptional, is just you alone. Get over it, jump over/climb/whatever.
I stepped out when I went public with this blog. It was very private, and I could write whatever I wanted to, because nobody reads or gives a damn about it. I could rant about my bad days. I could gossip, nobody would know.
But now, people do know.
And I became afraid of what I’m supposed to write here, so that I don’t appear anything less than civilized, calm, all-nice-and-happy. Now I know that’s just stupid, because last night I typed an entire post about my bad day with my secondary school friends and I JUST DIDN’T DARE TO PUBLISH IT.
“Was I too harsh?”, “Should I really publish it?”, “Will the friendship end?”…….
I tried to password protect it, but it didn’t appear too nicely on the blog itself. It just seemed that I was hiding something or I was too ashamed to show a part of myself.
So I went to sleep, after privating that post.
But it is late nights like these that I think of my regrets; they flood back to me.
And heck, this is my blog. I have a right to publish anything that is relevant to my life, even if it’s not what people want to see. And I sure damn have a right to just rant, and be sad/angry/pissed/hurt. So I’m going to un-privatize that blog post, and I’m sorry if I hurt anyone.
Tonight, my regret would be of letting go of friendships.